Self esteem or a lack thereof is a constant topic of discussion in schools. We worry and wring our hands that our actions as teachers or administrators will damage a young person’s self esteem. In fact we worry so much about it that we have yielded nearly all else in protecting what we consider to be the most fragile parts of our children. We have instituted character programs. We have practically eliminated competition among elementary and middle school students, giving students medals for showing up and nothing more. We have allowed academically unprepared students to advance grades so they can stay with their cohort because that is better for their esteem. None of us wants to damage the formation of a child into adulthood, but we are constantly doing just that through our approach.
Instead of concerning ourselves with front end self esteem building, young people would benefit from lessons in self control…we could all benefit from lessons in self control. The fact is increasing self control will naturally promote increasing self esteem on the back side. Of course that means we as adults must be willing to delay gratification in our young people as they learn to struggle through and overcome their issues on the topic. It’s no secret that the world tells kids to seek out instant gratification and often rewards them when they find it. Most kids hear the larger message from society that says if it feels good, do it!
Roy Baumeister is a researcher in the world of self control and will power. Dr. Baumeister makes many interesting observations on the subject, but one of the most interesting is that it takes energy to exert self control and that energy is a limited resource in each of us. The same will power controls thoughts, feelings, impulse control, and task performance. Baumeister goes further in saying that his studies have shown that self control, initiative, and will power all draw from the same energy resources. Because of this all decisions become more difficult to make when that energy resource becomes depleted. Consider for a moment all the assaults on both will power and self control we experience in a day. Forget initiative for a moment. Simply trying to maintain will power and self control can be exhausting. So at the end of the day, when it comes time to make a decision as simple as a dinner selection, we find it difficult. Now include the energy it takes to find initiative and we are quickly left in a non-starter position. No wonder kids don’t do their homework at night. There is no energy left for them to forge ahead because instead of training them in self control and will power, we have trained them in feel good and umbrella tactics.
Self control and will power are “muscles” that get stronger with a workout. Just like exercising as a runner improves the distance and time covered, exercising self control and will power will strengthen initiative and resolve providing more energy resources when needed. Baumeister’s studies show some conclusions for people successful in exercising self control and strengthening will power. People who exercise self control will begin to stay away from potential temptations and become proactive in life management. These conclusions may seem obvious, but consider the implications of the deeper meaning and insight that are offered here. As training and exercise are introduced into the equation, people will naturally begin to choose to avoid potential temptations thereby reducing energy consumption with the fight. Because they have successfully avoided using that energy in an internal turmoil, now more is available for initiative.
Proactive lifestyle management will be soon to follow simply because it becomes natural for us to want to protect what we have built. In other words, once there is skin in the game, we will change our behaviors to conserve what we have worked hard to create. So, now the key becomes the effort that has been put into our lives in order to make positive change. When we feel success, we like it. When we master self control, we gain momentum. When our momentum feels unstoppable, we possess initiative. So now it comes back to one question: what better way to improve a child’s self esteem then to teach them how to manage their impulses to improve self control and will power? It seems as though we have our cart before our horse so to speak.
For more information on the subject of self control from the mouth of Dr. Roy Baumeister, please click on the link below.
